My Dear Adonys,
Hi my baby mommee misses you so much! Last time I wrote you I was in a pretty confused state of mind and I am not ashamed to say nothing has changed. Since the last time I worte your dad and I have been to see a counselor, her name is Cathy Cooper, she is a nice lady and does not sugar coat the truth about your death. She did not tell us that it was going to be ok, it was going to get better, or that it will ever stop hurting, which are all the things that people have told us over the last 2 months. I learned that I have been trying to surpress my feelings and rush them along so that I do not have to feel this burn, I have been doing this mainly because I have not wanted to come to grips with you really being gone and also because I hate for people to see me cry. At first it was not hitting us so hard because we were still in denial but now this pain is just so much worse because the truth is apparent. I cry alot, sometimes out loud and sometimes just on the inside. I cry because outside of your dad you were my best friend and I think of all the things that I will never get to see you do like your first day of school, your graduation, how you would have turned out as an adult or jsut how cool I know you would have been. Last week Nyjha was out of school so your dad and I decided to take her to the Smithsonian. In the process of walking there was this couple with their children a little girl and her brother, it reminded me so much of how you and Nyjha were and would have been, what with her always trying to boss you around and you being like "Im gonna do my own thing" but ultimately protecting each other I could not do anything other than smile but there was such a sadness in the smile because Nyjha no longer has her playmate, do not get me wrong she still plays with you every chance she gets and I know you play back, but I cant play with you and that makes me sad. When we were about to leave I got a lil happy again because there was this lil boy just playing and acting wild and running around, it was so cute, but then that too also turned to sadness because you would have loved to be at the Smithsonian, and that is not a joy that I will ever get to personally experience with you while you are exploring and acting like a lil crazy person. I get so sad Adonys, I get so sad and I want to just bury myself underneath the Earth and cuddle with you and protect you. The day we had to go and veiw you I thought I should just pick him up and run away, I thought the same thing the day went away too but what would that do you would nevr beable to talk to me, play with me, eat with me and you are sleeping forever. I think the only thing that keeps me sane is the hope, dream, prayer and thought that you are going to come back to us and we will be whole again because right now we are missing such a vital and important piece to our puzzle of a family and I need it to be put back. Please come back to us Adonys, we need you and we love you, I know it sounds so selfish but I promise I will protect you from this shitty world just like we will always protect your sister.
LOVE YOU- MOMMEE
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