Dreams

My beautiful Adonys,

Hi mommees boy, I miss you like crazy! This week was not such a bad week, I ain't saying it was a wonderful one but it was better than last week. I just felt OK this week is all it is, Auntie Ree and Ashley took me and your daddy out this Saturday, I did have a blast. It was so much fun not to have to constantly try and think for a change, everyone was there (Terri, Bell, Shell, Missy) and I appreciated them attempting to make me feel better. As to be expected though all good things come to an end and when I wake up every morning with you on my mind and tears in my eyes, I miss you soooo much and I get mad because just seeing your picture or watching a video is not good enough for me, I get sooo pissed off when I wake up because I have not dreamt about you and I want to every night because at least if I dream about you, at least if I see you there it will be the closest I get to touching you, seeing you, hearing you and holding you again. I have to tell you something, the night that you left me I shooed you away before I left out the house and I am so so so so sorry and I wish I could take it back, I wish I had just taken you with me but I just needed a break, I just needed some me time because you were just soo fast and busy and I used to be sooo worn out from chasing you and pulling you down from where ever you climbed up on, you were so curious, beyond curious for real, it was like you knew somethings that the rest of us did not know. I was always so amazed at how fearless you were, at how much love you exuded for even people you did not know. Do you remember that day we went to court and that lady was just crying and crying and you walked over to her and gave this great, big , huge hug and she stopped crying because you made her feel soo good, you were something special. Even though GOD had a plan for you, I had one to, I had dreams for you  and Nyjha that would have completely exceeded any dreams that your dad or I ever had. I often imagine the things that you would have or could have been and I weep because I will never get to see you do any of these things, I will never get to see you the true potential of your intelligence, we only got to see a small piece. These reasons are all the reasons that I ask God to please return you to us so that you can save us and maybe the entire world because I think you were and would have been an influential spark here later in life just as your were soo early in life. Whoever reads this may think that I am delusional, crazy or whatever but I don't care, I don't care, that is my prayer and wish to God, if I never have nothing else or never do anything else I pray that God hears me and brings my prayer to fruition. Your sister with some work and help from me and dad will be fine, I pray for God to give your sister the strength to focus because she hurts too. You know mommee loves your forever and a day.

Love Mommee

P.S., Adonys even if God never sees fit to send you back to me, I pray that he will see fit to send me a boy that is just like you in every way possible and is embodied with your very same spirit, intelligence, beauty and curiosity, someone just like you and more! I hope he looks like you and has your attitude, love and caring. Someone that will take care of me now and show me how to be a better parent just like you were and take care of me later in older age just like I know that you would have. Someone to make me laugh, stay on my toes, wear me out and make me love and love me more than I thought was possible just like you!