The Sweetness of a Would be Bitter Weekend

Dear Adonys,

I miss you! It was mommee's birthday this past weekend! I had a conversation with an old aquaintance and I was telling her that I had not had a moment of bittersweetness as of yet, I did not expect for that moment to come so soon. I thought that I would be just too depressed over you to even enjoy any stage of life let alone my 30th birthday. I especially thought that this day would be one of my worst becuase it was a month to the day that you left us but I had a lot of fun, I went to a large dinner, a party, and got to spend some much needed alone time with your dad. Im am crying the tears right now that I could not cry that day because for some reason as much as I wanted to cry and scream for you something comforted me the whole weekend through! I really wish that you could have been there, only you, your dad and God really know how I feel. The weekend and your dad did me good but once it was over, it was back to life, back to reality! I find myself in recent days thinking of you intensely but not always wanting to cry, not saying that I dont cry because I do. You were just so full of personality, character, and wonder and that is what I miss. You were my little expeditionist, always exploring things and being scoulded because I could never be mad at you, you were just too much fun, you made me laugh at least 17 hours out of a 24 hour day! I go back to school on the 28th of March and I know that during this period from here until then, it will give me the time I need to do what I have to. People will probably wonder why am I speaking too as if you could understand me, as if you were an adult, but what they do not know is that you were wise and intelligent beyond your years and this is just a average conversation between the two of us just different content. It didnt matter what I talked about, you understood every word, and you were my best friend and partner in crime & randomness! That is a relationship only you and I could possess, it still is, I talk to you everyday but I only feel compelled to speak to you like this when your spirit really hits me and I think that maybe there is somebody out there, besides your dad, that maybe feels the same about the person they loved & lost and maybe wants to say something that will help me, help them, help me. I DO sooo miss you and your smile, please show mommee that you are smiling at her, when the sun hits the highest point in the sky and just warms my body down to it's very soul I will know that you are smiling at me and loving me from a distance and that distance will only last a short amount of time before you come back too love me up close!  

~ MOMMEE